Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
August 7, 2009
File Size
578 bytes
Thumb

Stats

Views
96
Favourites
2 (who?)
Comments
10
Downloads
3

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
Morning sun
Morning rain
Morning heartbreak
Morning pain

I try to move on
I try to refrain
But what you did
Left a heart stain

I close my eyes
All that I see is your face
But when I open them
Everything is out of place

My world around me
Is falling apart
Because that’s what you did
When you broke my heart

Mourning sun
Mourning rain
Mourning heartbreak
Mourning pain
Don't ask :P
Add a Comment:
 
:iconenoman:
enoman Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
Nice, I wish i could write like that xD
Reply
:iconpuff24:
Puff24 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks mate, just try, I could help u :)
Reply
:iconcentauran:
Centauran Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I like this one, Rudi. As a writer myself, I appreciate the use of homonyms, and it's particularly appropriate in this simple case.
There's a slight problem with scanning in the third stanza. It might be better phrased as:
I close my eyes
All I see is your face
But when I open them
Everything's out of place
[Apologies for the unsolicited critique!]
Reply
:iconpuff24:
Puff24 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
I appreciate the critique very much, thank you :)
I agree with you about the third stanza, I did struggle with it when writing it, too bad it didn't come out right :/
And I do quite like what I did on the first and last stanza's.
Thanks again :)

Puff
Reply
:iconcentauran:
Centauran Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Kepp up the good work, then! Have you had time to take a look at my 'Tonor and the Woofle'? It contains a little puzzle - if you can work it out, you get a month's sub to dA.
Reply
:iconpuff24:
Puff24 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks, I havent, sorry :(, but I will, can't wait :)
Reply
:iconcentauran:
Centauran Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
You did! And I replied!
Reply
:iconpuff24:
Puff24 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Yeah I see, thanks :)
And I got it wrong :(
Will try again :P
Thanks,

Puff
Reply
:iconcentauran:
Centauran Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Good - somebody's got to get it!
Reply
:iconpuff24:
Puff24 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
:)
Reply
Add a Comment: